Month: February 2017

Smiggle® Niggles

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The wondrous world of Smiggle®.
Now who created that?
Shop filled high with bright, fun things,
That act like children’s Crack.

Fluff, sparkles, neon, shimmer,
And heaps of scented stuff.
It seems that if you’re six years old,
You can never have enough.

Tubs of choke-able erasers,
Garish bags that cost the earth,
Secret-pocket pencil cases,
Longed for more than life is worth.

Impossible to walk past,
Without “ooos” and looks of awe.
“Oh Mum please, let’s go inside?”
Reluctantly I mutter “sure.”

“I really need more pencils,
And everyone loves Smiggle®.”
(Though at the till not sure I see,
The parents smile and giggle).

Still, the owner must be laughing,
In the style of James Bond villains.
Skips merrily down to the bank,
Signs cheques with pens sweet-smelling.

Hands up, I am just jealous.
This store’s a genius idea.
Stock that dazzles and delights,
And flies off the shelves no fear.

So a plea to ease our niggles,
Guaranteed win-win, you know.
I suggest an in-store offer:
Complimentary Prosecco.

© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2017.

What To Expect…New Motherhood

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First days at home with your baby,
The sound of alarm bells ring.
Panic sets in as you look at your bundle,
“Umm, what do I do with this thing?”

So, now you’re meant to be grown up,
Responsible, calm and together.
But faced with this Mini-Me being,
You’re suddenly not feeling clever.

Sore, cracked nipples and swollen boobs.
Yearnings for cold cabbage leaves.
Stitches, discomfort and pain sitting down.
Trepidation of each “ouchie” wee.

Tired eyes. Haven’t slept now for days.
And not likely to anytime soon.
In your own little bubble, feel jet lagged,
Tearful, exhausted, marooned.

Might fret about breast or the bottle.
Know what? A fed baby’s what matters.
A happy babe equals contentment.
Much better than feeling in tatters.

You’ll become MasterChef of fast mealtimes.
A Jedi of one-handed-skills.
Queen of box-set feeding marathons.
Can truly watch Netflix, and chill.

A blurry time full of confusion.
But it’s gone in the blink of an eye.
One day they will sleep through the night.
Some day they will talk and not cry.

Baby gazing’s your new favourite past time.
Breathe in deeply, that fresh baby smell.
Live in the moment. Forget about chores.
Fall under your gorgeous one’s spell.

Don’t overdo the advice books,
Paranoia of failure is crazy.
Trust your gut instincts, you are a great Mum,
You know what is right for your baby.

These first weeks can feel pretty daunting.
All new, and surreal, and unknown.
But, trust me, you’re doing a great job.
And, please know, you are never alone.

© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2017.

Tomorrow will be different…

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Tomorrow will be different:
A home of peace and love.
No worn-out cries “for pity’s sake”,
Raised eyes to Lord above.

Tomorrow will be different:
I’ll have no need to yell.
They’ll get their shoes on speedily,
We’ll make that school run bell.

Tomorrow will be different:
Their pants will stay all clean.
Won’t have to scrub poonamis,
That make my face turn green.

Tomorrow will be different:
I’ll sip hot cups of tea. 
Go to the toilet on my own;
Blissful tranquility.

Tomorrow will be different:
There’ll be no fights or scraps.
No embarrassing behaviour,
Or toddler tantrum flaps.

Tomorrow will be different:
I’ll be in complete control.
No winding up, or losing plots,
No bribes of Paw Patrol.

Tomorrow will be different:
On myself, won’t be so tough. 
I’ll acknowledge that I’ve tried my best.
I’ll accept that that’s enough.

© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2017.