October 2017 – Pass Me The Valium

Dear Daughter,

One day I hope you’ll never read a feed full of “me too”
When harassment isn’t something that a man would dream to do.

One day I hope you’ll walk without wolf whistles on the street.
Never groped and pulled and pinched as if you’re just a piece of meat.

One day I hope, no question, you’re admired for your work.
Gender gaps will not exist; you’ll get the pay your role deserves.

One day I hope that you are respected for the power of your mind.
Not judged by your appearance or the curve of your behind.

One day I hope around the world, strong women are what you see.
I hope as a generation you embrace equality.

[MANTAIN SANITY LEVELS NEXT TIME YOU’RE NIT-PICKING: SING THIS TO THE TUNE ‘SPICE UP YOUR LIFE’ BY THE SPICE GIRLS !]

When you’re feelin’ tired and slow
Kids can push your boundaries to new lows
Screamin’, shoutin’, loo covered in wee
One more thing saps positivity…

Children of the world
Lice up your life!
Every boy and every girl
Lice up you life!
Parents of the world
Lice up your life!
Arghhhhh!

Scratch it to the left
We’re not having a good time
Itch it to the right
Please tell me we’ve got wine?
Sit still to the front
Full Marks
Comb down!

Scratch it to the left
We’re not having a good time
Itch it to the right
Please tell me we’ve got wine?
Sit still to the front
Critters
I see ya!
Damn right!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la

Husband’s run to Timbuktu
Kids tonight it’s me and you
Kung Fu Panda
Frozen Queen
Ninja Turtle
And treats for bribery

Children of the world
Lice up your life!
Every boy and every girl
Lice up you life!
Parents of the world
Lice up your life!
Arghhhhh!

Scratch it to the left
We’re not having a good time
Itch it to the right
Please tell me we’ve got wine?
Sit still to the front
Full Marks
Comb down!

Scratch it to the left
We’re not having a good time
Itch it to the right
Please tell me we’ve got wine?
Sit still to the front
Critters
I see ya!
Damn right!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la

Prosecco
Lambrini
‘Cos treatment ain’t easy
We sweep through the long locks
Then stay bright and breezy

Scratch it, scratch it, scratch it
Head lice!
Scratch it, scratch it, scratch it
Head lice!
Eureka…

Scratch it to the left
We’re not having a good time
Itch it to the right
Please tell me we’ve got wine?
Sit still to the front
Full Marks
Comb down!

Scratch it to the left
We’re not having a good time
Itch it to the right
Please tell me we’ve got wine?
Sit still to the front
Nit free?
I see ya!
Damn right!

Pass Me The Valium

Month: October 2017

Hopes for a World Without “Me Too”

Lice Up Your Life, A Parody