Have a sing-song of this parody of Christmas Pudding to the tune of Frère Jacques. It’ll be the gift that keeps on giving!
Christmas children, Christmas children,
Screaming lots! Screaming lots!
Confiscate the sugar, Confiscate the sugar,
Lose the plot! Lose the plot!
© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2018.
“I want to go to school.
Nursery kids are all too young.
I want to learn to read and write.
School will be more fun.”
“I’m really bored at pre-school.
Where all I do is play.
I need answers to my questions.
Wear a uniform each day.”
“Yay, finally it’s here!
The day I go to school.
It feels so good to get in line.
I’m looking smart and cool.”
Three days later…
“Done with school now.
I wish I could just play.
I have to sit still on the mat.
Do I really go each day?”
“I’m going back to nursery.
I know how to read and write.
I’m feeling very tired now.
It’s hard to be polite.”
A first lesson learned it seems.
Work gets harder. Life gets meaner.
And sadly, no you can’t go back.
Grass isn’t always greener.
© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2017.
When all around they run amok.
You feel you’re going mad.
Threat levels reaching “critical”.
Rampaging worse than bad.
Unruly, messy anarchy,
Descent to pure corruption.
Your crazy, little rebels,
They’re weapons of mass destruction.
No negotiation, diplomacy,
Or sweet-talking seems to work.
You try to quell the mutiny,
But they still all go berserk.
A tantrum ticking time bomb,
“You’ve put sweetcorn with the tuna?”
WARNING! Meltdown high alert,
Imploding sense of humour.
You’re the queen of biscuit bribery,
The ambassador of calm.
In a twist of contradiction,
They’re purveyors of smooth charm.
With your wild things on the warpath,
Voice of reason they’ll resist.
But a secret weapon’s up your sleeve –
A cuddle and a kiss.
So, no matter what, keep smiling,
Don’t give up, you’ve got this covered.
Ride out the tantrum terror phase,
Of your dear, extreme beloved.
© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2017.
Wind the mummy up,
Wind the mummy up,
Pull, punch, slap, slap, slap.
Wind her up again,
Wind her up again,
No chance of nap, nap, nap.
Gunk on the ceiling,
Mess on the floor.
Snot on the window,
Smears on the door.
Hands up if you’re with me,
One, two, three?
Make mine a large G and T!…
© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2016.
He’s fast,
He’s brave,
He’s bold and he’s proud.
No volume control,
He’s so blooming loud.
He’s fearless,
He’s kind,
A bit full-on in parts.
He’s exhausting,
He’s funny,
And sure to break hearts.
Passion runs through him,
Lives life to the full.
One thing’s for certain,
It never gets dull.
“He’ll be someone”.
“He’ll break the rules”
“He’s sure to change the world”.
Great prophecies,
I’m reliably told.
Challenging,
Rewarding,
Outrageous little man.
He’s the spirted one,
And I’m his biggest fan.
© Pass Me The Valium and passmethevalium.com, 2016.
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