Surfing Grief Waves

You’re focussed on horizons,
It’s been years. You’re doing well.
These rip tides are deceptive,
Loss lurks as sounds and smells.

Sometimes grief waves catch you out,
They knock you from behind.
Surprising, unexpected,
Something’s come and hit rewind.

Your surfboard’s poised and ready,
Yet your heart is breaking still.
You’ve tried your best to carry on,
Of tears, you’ve had your fill.

Be kind now and accept these pesky
Grief waves knock you down.
But slowly, surely time helps heal,
You’ll feel more smiles than frowns.

Life can never be the same,
It’s a different kind of you.
But stars shine in the darkness,
And rainbows turn dark skies blue.

Get back up and grab that surfboard,
Face the fear and ride those waves.
You can survive. You will survive.
Stand tall. Stay strong. Be brave.

© Pass Me The Valium and, 2017.

The Friends of Legend

Not every superhero,
Wears a cape for all to see.
Some save the day and make things right,
Super stealthily.                                 

Legend friends you can rely on.
There’ll be there through thick and thin.      
A pull no punches powerhouse,
That won’t let you give in.                             

They swoop in armed with cups of tea,
Just in the nick of time.                     
With X-Ray vision;
See right through your claims “I’m doing fine”.                   

To the rescue!
In a flash, they combat your despair.                             
Superhumans, bringers of peace,
Through strength, love, hugs and care.  

You marvel at your trusted circle,
Of avenger friends.                            
Who build you up and help you find,
Your badass self again.                                 

Thank you to my heroes.
You standby so steadfastly.                                      
I endeavour to be half the friend,
That you have been to me.                

© Pass Me The Valium and, 2017.

This Is Your Mother’s Day Too

Not every Mum is plain to see,
You may exist with arms empty.
Broken heart and a pain so true,
Missing your little pink or blue.

If your child rests up in heaven,
Sometimes special cards aren’t given.
You are a mother nonetheless,
This day is tough; can feel a mess.

Right now, you want to scream or hide,
But please know this — you can survive.
Feel alone with no one knowing?
Thinking of you. Keep on going.

© Pass Me The Valium and, 2017.

Mind The Gap

There’s a gap above the fire,
Where your stocking should have been.
And a break inside my heart,
That I bear, but can’t be seen.

Perhaps you are the magic,
That powers Santa’s sleigh?
May you sparkle down the chimney,
And rest here for the day.

Act as guardian angel,
Sat atop our Christmas tree.
Play a part in all the joy,
And goodwill that you see.

Later, find a quiet moment,
Tiptoe round and plant a kiss,
On the cheek of every loved one,
And feel how much you’re missed.

Then when the clock strikes midnight,
Fly peacefully back home.
Brightest star up in the sky;
Thanks to you, we’re not alone.

© Pass Me The Valium and, 2016.

Empty Hands, Fuller Heart

*TRIGGER WARNING: this poem is for Baby Loss Awareness Week. It gives a very personal account of stillbirth. It also offers some ways to help those who have experienced loss. I have been in two minds about sharing it because the last thing I want to do is cause upset. However, if it helps just one person feel that they are not alone, or if it helps a friend support another, then it is worth the share. Please only read on if you feel strong enough*

For 7 months I carried you, my heart bursting with pride,                           
Then the words that parents dread: “I’m sorry, your baby’s died”.            
There’s life before that moment and then life that we’ve lived since,                   
Split in just a second by a sentence so intense.                                           

Two long days, a walking coffin and struggling to breathe,                        
Scared of questions: “When’s your due date?” “Boy/girl do you believe?”
Panic attacks, anxiety, and stress I’ve never known,                                    
Phantom kicks, trying to stay strong, but feeling so alone.                          

In a strange state of limbo, I seemed now to exist,                                     
Not wanting to let you go, yet wanting to give you a kiss.                          
Determined throughout labour, to give you the best birth,                          
Extreme pain of heart and mind, but your silence was the worst.                          

Yet then we met you, gorgeous boy, and held you in our arms,                  
Bowled-over by perfection and your brother’s looks and charm.
I didn’t sleep a wink that night, I held you oh so tight,                                
Treasured memories, breathing you in, kissing you goodnight.                   

Just one nappy change, one outfit, one hand and footprint too,                                                     
Leaving hospital without you, it broke my heart to do.
Going home with empty hands, your cot in an empty room,                                   
Left with pain and bleeding mementos of my empty womb.                      

Your brother was our saviour. Superhero aged just two,                 
Making us get up each day, face the world with fun to do.                       
He’s grown up as a caring boy, with kindness in his heart,
Talks about you all the time, his life you’ll always be part.                         

Despite the endless grief we feel, I’ve much to thank you for,                                
Better person, have no doubt, who appreciates life more.
I pray that this never happens to future mums or friends,                          
If it does, here’s some top tips, so on you they can depend. 

If you don’t know what to say, then simply tell them this.                       
Give them a hug, let them cry, on their forehead plant a kiss. 
It may seem small but sit with them, listen and take their hand,                           
Tell them you are sorry too, you’re trying to understand.                            

One day you will see them smile, reassure them that’s OK.                                   
They’ll feel guilt for happiness and feel like they’ve lost their way.
Don’t tell them it was meant to be, or that they’ll have another,          
You wouldn’t say that if they lost their sibling or their mother.                  

And please don’t forget the Dad, close friends can be far and few.                        
Being her rock, helpless through labour; much to cope with too.
Never had the chance to know his baby from the inside,                               
Saying goodbye before hello, heartbreak he’ll try to hide.                           

Last word to my little man, every day I miss you so,                                   
Such an honour to carry you, to feel you move and grow.
I take comfort that you’ll never feel hungry, hurt or cold,                            
Love you till the day I die, then again in my arms, I’ll hold.

© Pass Me The Valium and, 2016.

Would Have Been, Should Have Been

You would have been, should have been going to school,
I would have been, should have been playing it cool.
Bursting with pride and scared all the same,
Letting go of your hand, teacher calling your name.
I hope up in heaven, it’s still your first day,
With other angel children you smile, dance and play.
Another milestone I know, this one somehow feels tougher,
There’s hope of next year with your rainbow wee brother.
Would-have-beens, should-have-beens is life now it seems,
Might-have-beens pondered only in dreams.
Good luck to the children starting school tomorrow,
Cherish each moment, their joy’s now to follow.

© Pass Me The Valium and, 2016.

A little something for all the parents of angel children who would have been starting school this week. Hope you’re coping OK x